Christmas Day! Normally I start my day with a short meditation but this morning I got distracted and forgot to do it, which I realized when I was about two-thirds of the way through a 45-minute slow flow stretchy yoga. I then realized that the yoga itself was very meditative for me this morning. Like, I was being mindful and aware of what was happening from moment to moment:
- I noticed how my body felt as I moved.
- I noticed a bit of impatience to be done with the yoga at around the 23-minute mark and again a few minutes later, and laughed at myself for it.
- I noticed myself thinking about work, feeling guilty about it, and reminding myself that it’s okay to have the thoughts and that I can let them go.
- I noticed that I was having a hot flush at one point and that it lasted longer than usual.
- I noticed my inner critic whispering to me that I suck, that everything I do is a waste of time, that I’ll never accomplish anything of any importance, and what’s the point of even trying?
- I noticed myself starting to feel pretty bad about myself.
And then I was like, Hang on. I actually don’t suck. What if I am enough just as I am? And that stopped my inner critic right in his tracks. That inner critic can be a real asshole sometimes. So I made a conscious decision not to believe the shitty and, frankly, demonstrably untrue things that my critical inner voice was telling me, and to stop beating myself up about it. I took a moment to take stock and realized that I wasn’t feeling bad about myself anymore. I am still amazed that this works. That I can notice and realize and nip that shit right in the bud. That’s when I realized, Yeah, actually – I am enough, just as I am.
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